5 Tips To Help You Get Over Comparison and Envy
With all the misrepresentation of entrepreneurship on social media, It's really easy to look at other people's lives and decide that they are at an advantage or that they are getting whatever they have on a gold platter. Then comes in comparison and envy, and you start saying things to yourself like; "What is wrong with me? They don't do any work and they get to lie on the beach? Why can't I be the one? Maybe I'm not worth it? How is it that she's getting all the attention from all the biggest publications? Whatever, I could have done this better. Wait. I'm such a failure, she's on Forbes, I should have been on Inc. like yesterday ugh" Then comes the ever downward spiral of self loathing and very very avoidable feelings of being lost and being sad.
Before we talk about ways to get over comparison and envy, we have to establish one thing. Comparison and envy only happen when you take your mind and your eyes off your work. Think about it like this, when you focus on your craft, perfect it, understand and truly honor the fact that everyone is on their own journey and you, like everyone else has a unique journey that needs not be rushed but honored; and you compete with you and only you, you won't be noticing or getting intimidated by, or even hating on somebody else. If you choose to release those negative feelings, forgive yourself and truly look at your feelings of comparison and your envy with new inquisitive eyes, ready to explore and get better from those experiences, you will win. So how exactly do you get through Comparison and envy?
Well these five steps will help a ton!
Understand That It's Okay To Be A Beginner
Really. We beat ourselves over situations that don't matter- at least when it comes to comparison and envy. We worry about things that we shouldn't be worried about and set standards for ourselves so high that we couldn't possibly reach them and then we beat ourselves over not being able to reach them. We sabotage our own happiness and productivity with these standards, blame our results on ourselves, others or circumstances and wonder why we aren't motivated to do the work, and why we aren’t the best in our fields of knowledge right now.
If you're reading this and it's resonating with you, pay attention to me. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE "EXPERT" NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING IN THIS MOMENT. YOU WILL IF YOU WORK HARD BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE NOW. I know I know. It sounds a whole lot of counter-intuitive, but understanding that it's okay - in fact it's best - if you have the mindset of a learner, will save you tons of energy wasted in feeling bad about yourself and your work.
Make it your mission to get better than you are every moment, little by little, book by book, implementation by implementation, lesson by lesson until you arrive at your ultimate goal. Live in the moment, be grateful in the moment and aspire to learn and make all the mistakes you possibly can while you're small scale and starting out, and while you don’t have all the media attention; because trust, me sucking on a big scale, in front of everyone is not a joke and it'll be more difficult to rise from it.
Use this opportunity of not being where your competition is to perfect where you are, be grateful for and love the stage you're on, because really, if you have far less exposure and experience and or wealth than them, the last place you want to be is in their shoes. You just might not be able to handle it.
2. Remember That Everything You See is Through A Filter
Having said that it's okay to be a beginner, or temporarily be in the less advantageous place (for lack of a better expression) than someone you're envying or comparing yourself to, it's also important to remember that whatever you see, especially on social media, is what, and only what they want you to see.
No, seriously, think about it. Remember that time you tried to launch a business or a product or start something that didn't go quite as expected? Did you post it on social media? And if you did, did you post the video your aunt took of you being talked out of calling yourself a failure and running away from home to live under a bridge?
Chances are you didn't, right? Because it's very like us humans to want to be seen and heard for our best selves. It is the same with the people you look up to, admire, compare yourselves to and envy, and if they are honest people they will tell you that even though they seem to be sharing most of their lives on the internet they still select what they put out there because they don't find all aspects of their lives share-worthy. Everything you see, and envy is not all there is to their lives, take it easy on yourself.
3. Use These Feelings To Explore Yourself And Work You Buns Off
I read this astonishing yet heartwarming truth in a book I read titled "You're a Badass” written by Jen Sincero, and have since investigated and found this truth life changing. The truth is this, that the people in our lives, directly or indirectly are mirrors that reflect who we really are, and if you're inquisitive about what you're drawn to and repelled by in them, often enough, you'll learn things about yourself.
This was shocking to me at first but as I actively began to find what drew me to and repelled me from the people that I adored or that bugged me a lot, I began noticing traits that helped me improve who I was and I have no doubt that this can help you too. Use the negative feelings you feel now concerning these people you feel these feelings toward to explore yourself.
What about them do you really wish you have achieved ? Which part of their character do you feel drawn to? What is it exactly about them that constantly gets your attention? Is the way they've constantly put themselves out there? Is it their work ethic? Is it a particular part of their lifestyle? Know that whatever part you're drawn to is something you have a high tendency to exhibit and find confidence in that, and look at how or try to come up with how they got where they are that you're also trying to get?
What sacrifices or habits got them there in the first place and use that insight to see clues and brainstorm ways to take the next step on getting to your ultimate goal. Find comfort in the fact that you are unique and no one has your perspective, ideas and gifts and even if this person you're admiring is in your industry, your work will differ from theirs if you focus on it rather than watch their every move.
(More about this on your free work sheet)
4. Spread Love In Spite Of Yourself And Look At Things From A Better Angle.
Look at it like this. If this person you're looking comparing yourself or envying has a business, a lifestyle or personality you wish you had badly, then it's solid proof that what you want can be had, and isn't that a nice thing? That there's a market for your product or that there's a risk free guarantee for your goal if you follow the clues they've left out for you?
Practice feeling grateful and truly reaching out to complement and genuinely appreciate this person when you get the chance. Spread love, strike friendships, genuinely share their work and allow them to motivate you or even coach you if they're up for it. Buy their books, etc. Not only will you be feeling better, you'll be making them feel good, which makes you feel better for being such a nice person, which makes them feel good again, and we could go on and on…
5. Unfollow People If You Have To
Sometime all you need is to stop yourself from sabotaging your own happiness by denying yourself the fuel all the negative feelings and thoughts you feel about this person[s]; and it is as simple as how you most likely started seeing them and allowing yourself to feel this way. It's that simple. Unfollow them and poof! They're gone. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you're willing to stand up for your own progress and focus on your goal. That sounds like a serious go-getter/boss babe if you ask me:)